(Source: thelenaubr, via sweetfeeeling)
it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”
#don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you
(via itsmaryxox)
how to give a good handjob
- bop it
- pull it
- twist it
- harder
- better
- faster
- stronger
You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!Cha cha real smooth
none of you ever touch a penis
(via soulofascorpio)
DO YOU EVER JUST REMEMBER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HARRY POTTER LIKE OUT OF NOWHERE THESE FEELINGS SWOOP IN AND PUNCH YOU IN THE HEART
(Source: dellycartwright, via believingwontfly)
sometimes i see dudes on the internet like “ya i have a 10 inch dick” and then i eat a 6 inch subway sandwich and im looking at this sandwich and its like..idk how almost double that would be a good thing my vagina winces at the thought
it was 4am and i compared a penis to a sandwich
(via sirseahorse)
I.
When I was trying to quit smoking
and we drank white wine from Mason jars,
you called my freckles cocoa powder
and I called your green eyes
celery.
II.
I am learning how to be a grown-up
who pays bills, cooks her own meals,
and doesn’t cry at words like
I think I just want to be friends.
III.
The truth is this:
Love is an organic thing.
It rots and softens.
(via believingwontfly)
someone i know had a friend that got a piercing on her hooha but they put it on wrong so when she went up just one set of stairs she had 12 orgasms
this is the greatest thing i’ve ever heard
i think you meant they put it on right
(Source: popeyeschicken, via joshbrochelle)
cat fell inside a bag full of plastic balls
(Source: izkyoot, via sydneybristoww)
The correct pronunciation of “colonel” is, without exaggeration, the stupidest thing on this planet
(via the-twin-paradox)
